Wow, it's been awhile.

I've decided to start this blog up again.

I'll tell you why.

I looked at the hit counter.

So I guess all of those nights when we are crying in desperation in our beds, feeling so alone, we shouldn't. We are not alone. There are a ton of us out there! Or so my hit counter eludes...


So where is my family over a year later? Well....ya know. We are still trying. My husband didn't end up losing his leg in 2009. He lost only half of his foot. The man has no toes now. My jokes are many and funny, I promise!

He started Suboxone. It's been interesting. Besides all of his teeth rotting out of his head (add that to the humiliation list) it's definitely had it's ups and downs. His use of narcotics is nearly extinct, but he finds other things to abuse every now and again. Stupid things. Things like Lyrica, and Benadryl, and sleeping meds. Not everyday, but he does relapse.

Relapse. I think I am getting to know relapse better. I am not struck so dumb by it anymore. I have more control and often can put it into perspective easier....and faster. A therapist once told me that recovery is impossible without relapse. Knowing that has brought me a lot of comfort.

A husband high out of his mind is not the everyday problem anymore.

It's hard for me to write this, but I think that sometimes, when you have been abusing drugs for long enough, it opens the door to mental illness. I think my husband is significantly depressed. He's on meds....more meds!!! But I think it may be more than that. He's lost all confidence, especially in social situations. We are active again in church after a year break. It stresses him to the max to attend Elder's Quorum. And he has problems with anxiety. Although....I don't know if he's feeling anxiety or just wants me to THINK he is so he can have anxiety meds. Which he can't.

I know that achievement brings confidence, but I am at a loss as to what to do with a 7 foot tall amputee with no teeth.

:) Sometimes you just have to laugh.