The Hope

I think that all of us, those who are enduring with an eye on the goal, hope for the same thing.

That they will come back. 

The person you fell in love with will come back.

Often I stare into my husbands eyes desperately seeking the person he was.  You know, before addiction stole everything from him.  Before he was a manipulating liar.  A thief.  A person who would sacrifice anything and anyone for himself.  A loser.

Because, in case you don't know, he used to be different.  Kind and gentle, and full of compassion.  Smart and hard working.  A thoughtful and devoted husband, a happy and playful dad, and a spiritual leader in our home.

And I am not naive enough to think that my husband of 9 years ago might show up again.  I realize that everyone changes and evolves as we tumble through life.  But I guess I always hoped that maybe he would be kind of like that old guy....only better.  Stronger for having survived.  More spiritual for turning toward the only One who can help.  Happier for having lived through hell and come out the other side.  And maybe even more grateful for having nearly lost everything.

I heard this song yesterday on the radio and one line stood out.  I googled it to read the lyrics.  (You KNOW something speaks to you, when you read lyrics like a 12 year old girl.)

"Come Back To Me"

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know I'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time I wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you I can't save you
Its something you have to do
So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me