Hi Honey, it's me....again.

Hi Honey,

It's me.  I missed your first call home tonight.  I listened to all three messages you left and then I played them for the kids.  I miss you too.

You sound good.  I wish I could see your eyes.  I look at pictures of you before you were an addict and I can see you in your eyes.  I look at pictures after, and you are gone.  I wonder if you are coming back yet.  Probably not.  I know it takes months and months.  Wishful thinking, probably.

I would like to say that I miss you so much that I ache...but I am pretty sure it's just cramps.  Which reminds me of another reason why I miss you.  I needed tampons last night and guess who had to get out of bed, get dressed, and run to the store?  Yep...me.  How many times in the last 13 years have you done that for me?  A lot.  You have always been kind, gentle and willing to help me.  Even as an selfish addict that aspect of you didn't go completely away. 

I sat through Katy Perry tonight with the kids and my mom.  It's a good thing the popcorn was so tasty.  I ate Whoppers in your honor.  I ran into two couples that I know from another ward on a double date there.  The husbands are both very tall.  I was alone, with our kids.  I felt very....stupid.  I wished that you would have been with me.  I miss dating you and going out with other couples.  I miss you being friends with other men.  You would fit right in with those other tall guys.  I miss being with a group of other people, and looking at the men and knowing the best looking, funniest one, is mine.  I miss holding your hand in public and your hand on my thigh during a movie.  I miss our affection.  I miss you.

I'll keep trying, you keep trying too.

Stay cool.